I’m reading good sh*t: the dweller, what is gaslighting, #60sScoop

good sh*t : parenting, French parenting, attachment theory, Jon Ronson on Ariel Leve, One Story blog, gaslighting, Joyce Carol Oates, scars, memoirs…

 

By Lara Trace (who loved thinking about parents and parenting)

This is my excuse for a post this week.  I’m on the road most of the month… read ’em and leave me a nice comment on what great stuff you are reading or dwelling on… merci beaucoup… xoxox

Why the French parents are the best and we (Americans) suck at it: http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/06/french-parenting-government.html

The French have lots of good going on over there…

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Ariel Leve: ‘I was the parent and my mother was the child’

The journalist grew up on New York’s Upper East Side with her mother, a celebrated poet who partied with Andy Warhol and Saul Bellow. Now she’s lifting the lid on a deeply unhappy childhood (WOW WOW WOW to that )

It drives people nuts. But when you’ve been on the receiving end of gaslighting, a compulsion for accuracy can be a survival mechanism. Before you read my book, had you heard the term ‘gaslighting’?” I had: gaslighting means, “To manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.”

Ronson writes:

Leve says that even while writing the book, she wasn’t sure she’d actually publish it. I’m glad she did, because it is riveting and evokes with clarity the emotional turmoil of being subjected to the constant needs of a narcissistic parent. I’m sure it will help other people in similar circumstances. But then there is her mother, who is still alive….

“I’m not panicking you, am I?” I ask. “When you leave the restaurant, are you going to dwell on this part of the interview?”

“I’m a dweller,” she says.  (She had therapy to rewire her brain. It is called EMDR… wow!)

“Oh dear,” I say. READ NOW

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Attachment Theory and Motherhood? 

The poet Philip Larkin was not the first or the last to notice that parents, “they fuck you up.”

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Gaslighting is something to think about : Violence Hurts

20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths Use to Silence You HERE

Even more on gaslighting: How can I make my parents’ stop abusing me? How can I just make the abuse stop?

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An investigative journalist gets pigeonholed in memoir, and memoir is not the whole truth.

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On Reconciliation with an Alcoholic Parent

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Family Comes First or does it?

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“How does someone accidentally find their biological mother online?” READ THIS CONFESSION

(I was thinking Stockholm Syndrome when I read about her guilt trip…)

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Yup, it’s that Joyce Carol Oates… who does great tweets!

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Sisters torn apart by 60s Scoop Reunited HERE

My memoir excerpt is here

Stolen Generations now on Amazon
Stolen Generations now on Amazon

 

 

NEW BLOG:::: Want to be an eye witness: email me: larahentz@yahoo.com  (writers\photogs are invited from across the planet blogosphere to post photos… you can be a contributor or send me a link to your post)

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Ghosts

ZOOLOOZ STORE OWNER
Me in my store Zoolooz in Portland, Oregon (1990) – yes that is a blow up shark!

By Lara Trace (called Lala by her sister in Austria)

Am I the only one?

 

Every. SINGLE. DAY…  I feel like I’m overreacting to an insane horror flick.  YEEGADS, what the hell is going on in this world?  It’s like a very very very bad movie, between X RATED and profane.  If I turn on the TV I end up swearing like a sailor.  (I do get fined $$ when I swear.) Don’t hand me that TV remote. I’ll end up watching Ancient Aliens as a marathon again.

(We had a freak meteor shower on May 17 and I still have insomnia.)

The photo is me when I had a store in Portland in the late 80s.  Yes, I liked and sold crazy shit. Yes, that is a blow up shark, dinosaur and cactus. I am eccentric. I still like crazy shit, though I don’t have those blowups anymore.

OH, the new book STOLEN GENERATIONS is out and it’s doing well.  I did a radio interview (see link below)

Something I’m working on… I am doing a talk in San Diego in a few weeks with other adoptees.

Here are some basics:

If the Native population was just 2 million and one quarter of all children were removed before the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978, then (on-paper) 80,000+ children were removed from their families during the early to mid-1900s. If the population was 3 million, then over 100,000 were removed and so on…

I did pretend to be someone – and live a lie – because I’m adopted.  Ask any adoptee who has Native American ancestry.  If you are not told, you’re just another dead Indian, at least on record or on tribal rolls.

America is like that.  Adoptees, of all skin colors in the United States, are now estimated to number between six and ten million.  They’d prefer every one of us to live as an American citizen as if none other were as good or as important.  America forgets it’s very new by all standards; it just acts like its old.

Indian Country is ancient.  Our cells are identical to those of our ancestors of 30,000 years ago.  Indian kids who are adopted and raised outside Indian country eventually get it – more or less.  We get that less Indians around is best.  We get that America didn’t respect us or our culture.  We get that America tamed us, stole our land, and revised our history.  We get that more Americans prefer us tucked away somewhere.  They’ll teach us their version of our story.  We get that it’s wrong, but it’s America (or Canada).  It’s been this way a long time.

(Thirty+ years ago I opened my adoption.  Having to start this story somewhere, I started with a chronology, first the steps, opening my adoption, how I handled it, good, bad, etc.  It seemed to take forever.  What I encountered – besides shock – was me, barely alive, what I’d call living dead.  Let me explain.  I started to see that I was usually caught up in other people’s lives just to avoid living my own.  Under layers of denial, I conveniently forgot what I didn’t like to remember.  I had stopped caring about the past but it had me, all of me.)

No one is exactly sure how many Indian children were taken, but thousands are gone, probably living on the fringe as an urban Indian. That is how I see myself.

[Adrian who is my brother sent me this:  One can never tame that which is genetically wild and free….. Like the WolfDogs I love and raise,they adapt to me out of love and pack mentality….,But they will always be Wolves and if not respected as such, will turn back to that which they are genetically,born to be……………We are like The Wolves.]

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And here’s what is happening up north – my 60s Scoop brothers and sisters are leading the way… (top photo of Solidarity Rally)

via Open Letter to Prime Minister Trudeau Call for Action for ‘60s Scoop Adoptees | Indigenous Survivors of Child Welfare

The history of the United States and its treatment of American Indians is very similar to Canada’s history in that there was a “necessity”, from the Federal Government’s standpoint, to deal with Indian Tribes for treaties to keep the “Peace” and to gain “Dominion” over Indian lands so that the Federal Government could carry out the theory/doctrine of “Manifest Destiny”. Read more at http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2016/05/22/non-status-indians-us-part-2-daniels-v-canadacrown

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My recent interview with Native Solidarity:  https://soundcloud.com/user-633130202/trace-hentz-interview

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Leland and I will be in San Diego. He gave Stolen Generations to a Hopi Federal Judge in Boston recently.
Leland and I will be giving a talk in San Diego. He gave Stolen Generations to a Hopi Federal Judge in Boston recently. He’s a great guy and Navajo adoptee- actor-jewelry designer!

Hey, your blogs are wonderful, by the way.  I’ve been reading you all like I’m holding onto you for dear life.

I will be back… as in writing again mid-June. I’m here in spirit.  Like a ghost.

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NEW BOOK: STOLEN GENERATIONS! Survivors of the Indian Adoption Projects and 60s Scoop

NISKA COVER ART
COVER ART: Terry Niska Watson (White Earth)

one click to buy

Contributors:

INTRO: Johnathan Brooks (Northern Cheyenne)

Preface: Trace Hentz (Shawnee-Cherokee- French Canadian)

Joseph Henning (Cree)

Leland Pacheco Kirk Morrill (Navajo)

Nakuset (Cree)

Debra Newman (Choctaw Cherokee)

Belinda Mastalski Smith (Oneida New York)

Janelle Black Owl (Mandan, Hidatasa, Turtle Mountain Chippewa, Lakota)

Susan Devan Harness (Confederated Salish Kootenai Tribes)

Dana LoneHill (Oglala Lakota)

Joy Meness (Iroquois)

Levi William EagleFeather Sr. (Sicangu Lakota)

Patricia Busbee (Cherokee)

Karl Mizenmayer (Minnesota Ojibwe)

MITZI LIPSCOMB/ROSEMARY BLACKBIRD (Walpole Bkejwanong First Nations)

Rebecca Larsen (Quinault Indian Nation)

Joseph M. Pierce (Cherokee)

Mary St. Martin (Koyukon Athabascan)

Joshua Whitehead (Peguis First Nation Manitoba)

Editor Trace L Hentz (Cherokee-Shawnee-French Canadian mix)

PREVIEW:  Once Upon A Time

Confronting the Past documentary

60s Scoop: A Hidden Generation

Source: AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES: STOLEN GENERATIONS! Survivors of the Indian Adoption Projects and 60s Scoop ON SALE tomorrow

TracesBookFINAL.indd
BOOK 2
FullCoverTWoworlds_BleedNEW
Book 1

Book trailer:

 

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Make it Obvious Where You Went Wrong (scandals, too)

You are trying to get it right, but you might not.  Maybe though you got almost there.  If you got almost there, don’t cover your tracks.  Don’t make it seem like your work is perfect. …

KEEP READING: Make it Obvious Where You Went Wrong

 

By Lara Trace

Now that I am finishing up STOLEN GENERATIONS, I do need some time off from blogging.  So I will be gone a few months (it’s necessary). If you need reading material (of course you do): read the fantastic diverse blogs (I follow 225+) (bottom of this blog.) THE MIX too.

I often read Eric Linus Kaplan’s blog [Honest ontology, fantasy and comedy. Writer on “Big Bang Theory” and of “Does Santa Exist: A Philosophical Investigation”] (his post is above)

What Eric writes is profound, mind bending, good.  Like The Big Band Theory is profound, mind bending and good.

Make it Obvious Where You Went Wrong?  If we stop to consider America’s military secrets, Cointelpro, political secrets, assassinations, plots, first we’d be blown away at the truth (BOOM) – overnight we’d have a new world – but that all depends on if the military ever came clean.  All modern wars are wars by and for the private bankers, fought and bled for by third parties unaware of the true reason they are expected to gracefully be killed and crippled for.  The process is quite simple. […keep reading]

I am thinking of all the times in my last 59 years where I was wrong.  I cannot tell you honestly how many times it happened but it was LOTS.

No, folks, I won’t be blogging it now but I do want you to think about it, too.  And in the HEAT of this political campaign, perhaps all the presidential candidates should tell us when they were wrong and admit their mistakes.  Then explain it so we all know (so we can understand and learn from their mistake). Humility is sadly lacking in politicians, right?

I often think of the Pres. Clinton-Monica scandal and his almost-impeachment, and how Hillary (HRC) didn’t divorce him when many of us expected she would.  (Which made me realize then that not all marriages are based on fidelity but many are money-based and power-driven.  Their union was not a mistake.  It was intentional.  I’ve only watched a few episodes of House of Cards about power-hungry wolves in designer clothes in DC.  People in power (men and women) do have extra-marital affairs.  I have an ex-husband who would agree since he did (more than once.)

That early marriage of mine was a good learning experience AND a mistake.

Here is a post about scandal from my favorite guy TubularSock: http://tubularsock.com/2016/03/28/scandal-scandal-everywhere/

Learning is life long. Learning is what we do as humans. And as we learn, we might falter and make mistakes. That’s how we grow up.

I aim to be as honest as I can be with myself. And admit my mistakes.

It’s the best I can do…

bombs

There are times to read history and there are times to make history. – David Batstone

 

I have a question for you:  Do you rip out all those drug ads in magazines? I do it every time a magazine arrives. It’s not a mistake. It’s therapy. Do you do it, too?

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And I had to share this!

On Amazon

The Human Antenna and What It Can Do

Dr. Robin Kelly has combined science, traditional concepts of healing and his own extraordinary insights to evolve “the Human Antenna,” and here he tells us just what it all means, and how we can literally remake ourselves as healthier, more energetic and, in the end, more deeply conscious and deeply human beings.

Bruce H. Lipton, PhD says this of Dr. Kelly’s quest:

‘On a quest to be a better healer, physician Robin Kelly embarked upon an epic journey that transformed his patients’ lives, his own life, and one that can possibly transform your life as well. Expertly weaving together traditional Western medical science, Eastern medicine’s energy philosophy and a dash of quantum physics, Dr. Robin Kelly concocts a powerful and wise prescription for self-healing and self-empowerment. Filled with astounding scientific insights, wit, wisdom and heart, The Human Antenna is a delight to read.’

Play MP3 (7.7 MB)  |  http://www.williamhenry.net/revelations1.mp3

More on William HERE

 

(see you back here in a few months) xox

2016: Time to Rev Up

By Lara Trace

It’s good to be home and I’m revved up to resume a weekly schedule of blog posts. (I missed you guys [I really did] but I was reading your inspiring bad-ass blogs!) (for some weird reason I stopped getting email notice of your new posts – um, still working to fix that.)

I do hope you all made good memories this past month or so…

We traveled to Philadelphia PA twice and had a great time babysitting our youngest grandgirl (she’s a one-year-old) and of course we watched Sesame Street. We didn’t have many shows when I was a tiny kid like her, other than Captain Kanagroo. Remember him?

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Each week I may give you some of what I have been reading and these stories are truly worth a read!

Method Homes home design CREDIT Method Homes

Melissa’s story – Make It Right. It’s a Brad Pitt Project and it’s REALLY GOOD!

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How the Federal Government Continues To Victimize American Indians (no big surprise!)

…”Upfront I will stipulate that the treatment of the American Indian by the federal government has been nothing less than an egregious nightmare. It is a case study in progressive paternalism that has enriched a small coterie of privileged contractors, provided a bevy of bureaucrats with job security and self-importance, and reduced the American Indian population still living on reservations to a dystopic and nightmarish existence.

The Indian schools, at least in some areas, face challenges most public schools don’t face.  The Indian bureaucracy, BIA and BIE represent the very worst impulses of government: big, unwieldy, unresponsive to citizens, slavish to big contractors and the powerful, uncaring, and casually cruel. Where the BIA merely steals from today, the BIE steals the future. It is a national shame that this situation is allowed to persist.”

READ

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Aging out of Foster Care:

Photographer Aaron Fallon shared an idea with seven other professional photographers in Los Angeles. Together, the group collaborated while donating their efforts to a three-year project that will move and inspire you. In today’s Huffington Post Gay Voices RaiseAChild.US “Let Love Define Family®” series installment, RaiseAChild. US founder and CEO Rich Valenza interviews the group that now calls themselves the Image Hoarders about their recently published book called “Aging Out.”  READ

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1976: Government admits forced sterilization of Indian Women

A study by the U.S. General Accounting Office finds that 4 of the 12 Indian Health Service regions sterilized 3,406 American Indian women without their permission between 1973 and 1976.  The GAO finds that 36 women under age 21 had been forcibly sterilized during this period despite a court-ordered moratorium on sterilizations of women younger than 21.  Two years earlier, an independent study by Dr. Connie Pinkerton-Uri, Choctaw/Cherokee, found that one in four American Indian women had been sterilized without her consent.  Pinkerton-Uri’s research indicated that the Indian Health Service had “singled out full-blooded Indian women for sterilization procedures.” SOURCE

and watch this horror story :

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sheepRacism, Class and Adoption

An Oldie but Goodie from my friend (who I call a Thought Leader on Adoption) :

“…The mother in question has published her own book, which promotes itself as a “guidebook” for white adoptive parents of black children. Whatever her intentions, wherever her heart may lie, this should, in and of itself, set off a million alarms.” via Racism, Class and Adoption.

“…For starters is the myth that adoptive parents have some kind of unique agency and free will outside of the society in which they acculturate the children temporarily in their care. By this I mean to say that adoption, as an institution born of and reflecting its roots in indentured servitude, racism, and class warfare, does not suddenly “shift” into a tragedy based on the adoptive parent’s “awakening”. It is a tragedy, and a criminal one at that, from the start…”

“Something much more sinister is transpiring, and this shows up how unequal our words are when spoken on corporate-sponsored platforms equally bent on painting a Happy Gotcha Day for all involved…”

The “adopter narrative” is morphing and adapting in order to silence us; it is stealing the power of our words and the weight of our tropes in order to render us harmless and pointless…

(the power of propaganda is immense when it comes to the trafficking of children for profit…)

READ HIS ESSAY: The New Adopter Narrative: https://danielibnzayd.wordpress.com/2015/12/15/on-the-new-adopter-narratives/

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pass-system-card-1Another Dark Secret: The Pass System

Filmmaker Alex Williams decided to dig into this dark chapter in Canadian history for his first documentary, The Pass System.

Williams said the pass system came into effect after the North-West Rebellion in 1885.

“It was an illegal… system that was put in place as a temporary ‘security measure’ after the events of 1885 that stuck around for over 60 years,” he said.

“Its intent was, in the words of one historian, to keep [Indigenous] people out of the towns and cities.”

READ The pass system: another dark secret in Canadian history | Warrior Publications.

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AMAZING FIND!

Dr. Amy Helen Bell:  Recently my excellent colleague Tom Peace and I found out that among these rich sources are dozens of rare prayer and hymn books in Indigenous languages, written and used by both European and Indigenous scholars, missionaries and priests. The Diocese Archives also holds personnel files on six Indigenous men who graduated from the Theological College in the nineteenth-century and went on to work in churches and parishes in both indigenous and settler communities. And exposing the darker side of the Christianizing mission, the archive also holds some records of the Mohawk Institute, a residential school run by the Anglican Church in nearby Brantford. Along with hundreds of other punitive institutions, the school sought to assimilate Aboriginal children into Euro-Canadian culture in a process the Truth and Reconciliation Commission has described as “cultural genocide.” And nobody at Huron has ever looked at these sources.

Source: Rare Books and Reconciliation – Dr Amy Helen Bell

 

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favorite words?The MIX e-magazine is up and running for its second year.  Go take a read!  Send us some writing on your mixed ancestry and ethnicity! Carol Hand and I are expecting more writers in 2016… The topic is timely and important – we are all related – really truly we are –  INFO

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And if you missed this post, it’s one of my MOST popular – about HEALING HERE – it doesn’t surprise me we ALL want healing in this crazy world!

I am working on a brand new anthology STOLEN GENERATIONS with first person narratives of First Nations and American Indian adoptees in 2016 – should be out in April 2016. It’s the fourth book in this series on Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects and I am so excited to have many new adoptees in this book!

I’ll be back with MORE of everything soon … Happy New Year! xoxoxoxoxox

[I have a page on Facebook – posts will be here]

 

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What does sorry mean? Stolen Generations Australia

Published on May 11, 2015

All footage shot at the Grandmothers Against Removals Convergence at Parliament House, Ngunnawal land (Canberra) February 2015. This convergence marked 7 years since Kevin Rudd’s apology to the Stolen Generations.

For more information please visit :
http://stopstolengenerations.com.au/

Australian Child Protection Accused of Repeating Sins of ‘Stolen Generations’

history is repeating itself

TIME

In 2008, then Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd made history when he issued a formal apology to the “stolen generations” — Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island children forcefully removed from their families for placement in institutions and homes where they were put to work as laborers, farmhands and servants.

“The injustices of the past must never, never happen again,” Rudd said of the 19th century policy born out of the eugenics-based view that blacks were morally inferior and couldn’t properly care for their offspring. Once removed, children could be brought up “white” and assimilated into broad society so that in time there would be no more indigenous people left in Australia.

On that account, it failed. However, by the time forced removals were stamped out in the 1970s, the policy had extinguished the kinship connections, land titles, language, customs, spirituality and identity of an estimated 50,000 Aborigines and islanders. Trapped…

View original post 1,474 more words

Stolen Generations: Adoption as a Weapon

 

 top photo
available now on Amazon and in all ebook stores

By Peter d’Errico  January 02, 2013 (Indian Country Today Media)

Two Worlds: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects is a new book about the campaign to break indigenous social structures by removing the children: “Governments…paid agencies and churches to remove and Christianize children… and raise them to be non-Indian.”

Edited by Trace A. DeMeyer and Patricia Cotter-Busbee, themselves adoptees, the history is told through chronicles by those who lived through it. Ethnic cleansing by child removal is a counterpart to the boarding school system, aimed to “kill the Indian and save the man.” Boarding schools take children away from home for months and years at a time, returning them as “civilized.” Adoption projects take children away permanently, to assimilate them into non-Indian society via non-Indian families. A common element of the stories is painful curiosity, children trying to figure out who they are, and why their biological parents gave them away. Answers are sometimes never discovered. What is learned may compound the pain, when the child’s displacement turns out to be a subchapter in the parent’s (or parents’) own survival struggle. In many cases, the birth parents’ generation was already victimized by the Dawes Act and the Indian wars: one wore the face of “friends of the Indian,” the other the face of outright hatred. The “stolen generations” is only part of the trajectory of Indian genocide. Two Worlds shows that the pain of the non-Indian adoptive families often compounds the pain of displacement. For whatever reasons—many are discussed in the multitude of stories—adoptive parents may be trying to escape from their own pain when they take an Indian child into their homes. Those who try a to fill a void or carry out a messianic belief by adopting an Indian child cause pain that multiplies pain; everyone is scarred. Given the fact that thousands of Indian children are adopted out of Indian communities, it is possible—as some adoptee stories show—that a displaced life is not pain-filled. But even in those cases where adoptees live a comfortable life with loving parents, the stories point to an inchoate pain shared by adopted children of any culture: the pain of not knowing one’s origins. Adoption agencies exacerbate this by policies of secrecy, as if self-knowledge were a bad thing. As if all this pain were not enough, the stories tell of a whole new world of pain that may open up at the end of the genealogical quest, when the search for the past has led to the present: the pain of re-assimilation; or worse, the pain of not being able to re-assimilate into one’s origin community. Sometimes the pain at the end of the quest is caused by absence: the birth parents have passed on. Sometimes it’s caused by rejection: the birth parents don’t want to revisit their long-ago decision to give away a child, or believe that the reasons for their previous actions are still viable today. Sometimes, it’s a mixed bag: one or more biological relatives welcome the returning child, while others spurn the reunion. The variations and permutations are many. They don’t fit into neat pigeonholes, though they do show certain patterns. One pattern is the difficulty of re-assimilating not simply to a birth family, but to a birth culture, where language is crucial. As anyone who has learned a foreign language knows, it is easy enough to learn how to make small talk, and much more difficult to learn enough to talk about life (or politics, or spirituality, or anything truly intimate). In these instances, the past remains past, no reunion is possible, and the lost way of life is water under the bridge. At a hearing in 1974, the Congressional Subcommittee on Indian Affairs learned that in states with large Indian populations, about 25 percent of all American Indian children are taken away from their families by adoption, in addition to the thousands removed into boarding schools. About 85 percent of Indian adoptees were placed in non-Indian homes. By 1978, Congress felt sufficiently concerned to enact the Indian Child Welfare Act. Unfortunately, this legislative response to the genocidal policies of the adoption projects is more honored in the breach than the observance. A 2011 investigation by National Public Radio found that “32 states are failing to abide by the act in one way or another.” Each of the storytellers in this collection has survived displacement, battles with adoption agencies, the reflected pain of their adoptive and birth parents, and the confusion of not knowing their origins. Many suffered through abuse, self-abuse, and substance abuse, as they struggled through doubts and difficulties of genealogical discovery. The path to discover the past is not easy. The storytellers display courage, commitment, and compassion. The fact that their stories are being replicated today by more stories we have not yet heard is testimony to the ongoing assault on indigenous peoples.
Peter d’Errico graduated from Yale Law School in 1968. Staff attorney in Dinebeiina Nahiilna Be Agaditahe Navajo Legal Services, 1968-1970. Taught Legal Studies at University of Massachusetts, Amherst, 1970-2002. Consulting attorney on indigenous issues.Source: http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/opinion/stolen-generations-adoption-weapon-146683
Another 5 STAR review of Trace’s memoir HERE

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