From my friend Toritto:
PLEASE READ: 800 Babies in a Mass Grave – a Re-Post/Update
It’s Friday and a good day to cry my eyes out… Lara/Trace
From my friend Toritto:
PLEASE READ: 800 Babies in a Mass Grave – a Re-Post/Update
It’s Friday and a good day to cry my eyes out… Lara/Trace
The outrage WAS fast concerning this… and it got pulled…. LT
Adoptly is a controversial app that simplifies the child adoption process. Kickstarter recently pulled the campaign.
This I just heard about… LT
Inga adds her story to THE ATLANTIC’s long-running adoption series:
I wanted to adopt and was devastated when our adoption did not work out. It is a long and very painful story in itself—one that others judge me for, and some of my friends became my enemies. … Embryo adoption gave us a chance to adopt again but avoid the trauma of mother-child separation from a traditional adoption—which clearly did not work for us. I did not consider egg donation because my goal was different; I wanted to adopt an embryo that was already created. …
I chose an anonymous adoption, and the embryo had been frozen for a little less than four years. … He is now 17 months old. … I do not consider my youngest child adopted, even if he is genetically not mine—because he is biologically mine, 100 percent. After all, I carried him for nine months and gave birth to him; how much more “biological” can it be?
My name is Janine Vance and I am one of the Vance Twins. When my sister and I were sent to the United States from South Korea in 1972, the pioneering adoption agency gave our adoptive parents a document called “Certificate of Orphanhood.” This piece of paper gave the impression that we were orphans. Because this document implied that we had no Korean family, we wore whole new identities without question and never thought to look for people who we were told did not exist. The idea of a Korean family did not enter our consciousness while we were young.
It was not until my sister and I were 32 years old that we learned that most children are not truly orphans but were merely giving the label of orphan in order to be processed overseas for intercountry adoption. What?!? We felt like we had been living a lie for more than three decades! This discovery was the catalyst that motivated me to investigate intercountry adoption and how exactly children are obtained by so-called “ethical” adoption agencies.
“Poverty is no reason to take children away. Poverty is NOT a disease and international adoptions are NOT the solution.” — Roelie Post, Former EU official
After a decade of listening to numerous accounts from global families of adoption-loss—families who have been unnecessarily separated for adoption (but dismissed and ignored because of the public’s love affair for adoption), we’ve met one woman who has truly fought for the proper implementation of children’s rights for the European Commission since 1990. The name of this hero of ours is Roelie Post, civil servant of the European Commission since 1983. She is someone, we—adopted people and parents of loss—can trust to truly protect children from being trafficked for intercountry adoption. We applaud Roelie’s work specifically for the stand she took in respect of Romania’s Child Protection.
Devastatingly, a ferocious adoption lobby made up of adoption agencies, lawyers, NGOs, adopters and their allies have given themselves the authority to decide the fate of vulnerable families worldwide. Adoption facilitators have ignored the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) a legal binding agreement that was originally created to protect the natural-born rights of children all over the world. Perfectly fine methods set forth within the UNCRC such as temporary care and guardianship care, sponsorship, step-parent adoption, kinship care have been ignored for too long – methods that would keep children with their families.
This “adoption lobby” has even built their own legal agreement—a modern day cemented and sanctioned freeway—that has taken precedence over the fate of children from other nations and people. These agenda—driven individuals have enforced their own ill-conceived belief system—their own definition of Child Protection and The Best Interest of Children (intercountry adoption) via the Hague Adoption Convention (HAC) onto innocent families who could have cared for themselves if given the chance. The victims and survivors of this system—trusting and naïve families who still live and grieve parent/child separations every single day—have no recourse to seek justice.
Adoption trafficking continues at an alarming rate and no one except for Roelie Post has been courageous enough to fight against the lobby. In fact, she has been followed, her home office was broken into and ransacked, a plastic gun was left on her doorstep and strange men gestured toward her as if drawing a gun! Despite being intimidated, she continues to fight for children’s rights. Roelie Post needs to be held at the highest regard and protected!
Today, foreigners can apply for a license, enter a nation and then expedite precious children overseas before allowing them to be cared for by extended family or the people of their birth community, culture, and country. Perfectly fine methods set forth within the UNCRC such as temporary care and guardianship care, sponsorship, step-parent adoption, kinship care have been ignored for too long. Huge amounts of money are crossing hands, children are sold at varying prices depending on the child’s race, and children are photo listed on western websites like little pups on online catalogs. How dehumanizing! No child – not even your own – is safe from being targeted and processed overseas.
Intercountry adoption has expanded its web now onto Africa. An Ethiopian child can cost more then $64,000 but to help an Ethiopian parent and child stay together as a family, an estimate of $15 per month. Today, these agencies are claiming to be advocates for family preservation which deceptively gives them a doorway opened to set up shop within foreign nations and provide “services” – services that could have easily gone directly to the citizens of that nation. Billions of dollars are crossing the hands of NGOs. Children are being unnecessarily moved across borders.
Today more than 200,000 Korean children have been sent to foreign families. And they are NOT living “cosmopolitan” lives like assumed by many Koreans. Rather, they live daily with losses, misunderstandings, feelings of doubt and abandonment by the very country that could have protected them—but didn’t. Intercountry Adoption only ADDS to the problems a family already has. Intercountry Adoption does not solve a family’s problems. The best preventative medicine is to counsel families by organizations who do not have a financial agenda. We all know that when history is ignored, it is bound to repeat itself.
For every “forever family” created by adoption another family is forever torn apart.
All of this can be stopped!
We need Roelie Post to continue to work within the European Commission on Children´s Rights and trafficking, so that she can continue to protect children’s rights like she has done successfully during the accession process of Romania into the EU and while working for ACT- Against Child Trafficking.
My sister and I applaud Roelie Post for having the courage to carry out her job properly. She is a child’s right expert and a hero to many of us. Being “saved orphans,” we understand and appreciate the challenges the European Commission had to fight in Romania for children’s rights against a determined force.
Roelie works with integrity and empathy. She is the only civil servant that families of adoption-loss trust to protect children. She has the knowledge and expertise. She must continue to work on children´s rights, so that families are protected and laws are kept-because children’s rights are Human Rights.
Visit Roelie Post’s website here.
Trace contributed a chapter in the Vance’s book ADOPTIONLAND
For news on industry practices, go to Adoptionland.org
Adoptionland podcast listen here
You might also like these videos on the topic of adoption here.
November is National Adoption Awareness Month (#NAAM2016).
Adoptees have taken this month to blog, write and educate… thanks for reading… L/T
Despite all evidence to the contrary we still think this is simply a “war of words”; a simple changing of minds. It’s not. The “adopter narrative” is morphing and adapting in order to silence us; it is stealing the power of our words and the weight of our tropes in order to render us harmless and pointless. And the correct response is not just more words, but, at long last, union; and beyond that, words that form a framework for praxis; for action. When all is said and done, when our silly hashtags are forgotten on the dustheap of history, there will be an accounting of our accomplishments, and how successful we were in “scripting the flip”; in paving the way for a revolution of all those displaced, dispossessed, and disinherited. For it begs the question: if not now, when, exactly, do we see this happening? – Daniel Ibn Zayd
Trace Lara Hentz (DeMeyer) (Shawnee/Cherokee/Euro) is the author of One Small Sacrifice and the book series Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects.
THREE PART SERIES
By Lara Trace, adoptee and author of ONE SMALL SACRIFICE (top photo)
This is the month to bring awareness to the harm of closed and illegal adoptions and the history from a different vantage point: the adoptee who experiences it.
#NovemberAdoptionAwarenessMonth is shortened to NAAM.
When did forced adoption begin? A very long time ago.
I have said many times the only way to change history is to write it ourselves (as in adoptees and first moms and dads.)
I’ll be posting more news and updates each week.
A BOOK based on TV3’s Adoption Stories has been launched (Ireland)
The book is based on the TV3 series and highlights the reality of adoption today in Ireland and is the only series to feature first hand experiences.
On Oct. 12, TV producer and director Sharon Lawless launched her first book at Hodges Figgis on Dawson Street, Dublin.
She said: “The TV series adoption stories allows me to bring the reality of all aspects of adoption both past and present to the viewers, this book brings it one step further.”
Included in the book are real life situations, among stories about reunited siblings, a rejected natural mother, child trafficking, an abusive adoptive mother.
There is also an incorrect identification, intercountry adoption, a married couple who gave their child up, a real time search and DNA testing.
And if that’s not enough, you can read about a little suitcase that survived a trip from Ireland to the US with its toddler owner over 50 years ago.
Adoption was legalised in Ireland in 1952, since when, almost 45,000 legal adoptions have taken place.
It’s estimated the same number again could have been illegal.
Adoption Stories looks at all aspects of adoption in Ireland from the point of view of those who have experienced it firsthand. READ MORE
The Adoptee Rights Campaign reported October 25 that 40-year-old Adam Crapser, adopted from Korea when he was three years old, will be deported.
In a nutshell, this is why:
None of us condones the commission of crimes, but it’s an outrage that the United States is deporting international adoptees, brought to the U.S. legally as children by U.S. citizens for the purpose of becoming the sons and daughters of American parents. Two governments–in this case, South Korea and the United States–sanctioned all the paperwork.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – On October 24, 2016, Immigration Judge John C. O’Dell ruled that Korean adoptee Adam Crapser would not be granted relief for cancellation of removal and will be deported to South Korea. Adopted at the age of 3 by U.S. citizens and surviving two sets of abusive adoptive parents, Mr. Crapser is being deported to a country where he does not speak the native language, does not know the culture, and will have great difficulty securing gainful employment and integrating into Korean society.
Adam (the father of young children, married, living in Oregon) is one of an estimated 35,000 intercountry adoptees who do not have U. S. citizenship. Introduced in November 2015, the Adoptee Citizenship Act will close a loophole in a 2001 law and grant citizenship to these adoptees.
[Someone explain to me how this is not human trafficking… It’s known and documented that adoptees have issues (primarily emotional trauma or long-term PTSD) and add to that, Adam suffered abuse at the hands of adoptive parents (TWO SETS), then was reassigned adding more trauma. He needs our help, not deportation. LT]
More on Deporting Adoptees here
In the spring of 1970, less than two years after the death of his “common-law wife” of eighteen years, Peter Stanley looked on helplessly as a judge declared his two young children wards of the state, condemning them to a series of foster placements and their father to years of legal turmoil. Illinois’s definition of “parent” excluded “natural” fathers of illegitimate children, thus denying Stanley even a hearing to determine whether he was fit to parent the children he loved and had helped to raise from birth. These were the stark facts that Peter Stanley’s lawyers presented to the U.S. Supreme Court in 1971. The reality of Stanley’s legal status and of his record as a father was more complicated.59
But if Stanley had been a woman, married or unmarried, or if he had been able to produce proof of a valid marriage to the children’s mother, he would have been their legal parent and would almost certainly not have lost his parental rights. Stanley’s inability to produce a marriage certificate made him a legal stranger to Kimberly, age two-and-a-half, and Peter Jr., age one-and-a-half.60
In some states, Stanley could have presented proof of a common law marriage, but Illinois abolished that institution early in the twentieth century.61
Instead, Stanley’s attorneys argued that Stanley “did build up and develop a father relationship” with his children. “[W]e feel,” said Fred Meinfelder of Legal Aid, that “while he was not legally married to his wife that that should not be a basis for removing those children from him . . . .”62
State officials told the judge that Stanley was “not in a position to provide financial support” for his children but that “if he did have some progress and was to marry and establish an orderly family situation” he might be able to petition for custody later.63
His lawyers emphasized that if Stanley were not a legally recognized parent, he would have no standing to petition later for custody or any other rights. And while he might be able to find a wife and “establish an orderly family situation” in the future, under Illinois law Stanley could do nothing to change his legal parenthood status with regard to Kimberly and Peter, Jr. As an amicus brief later put it, “there is no way to marry a dead person.”64
Before the Illinois Supreme Court, Stanley’s lawyers argued that the exclusion of fathers of illegitimate children from the category of “parent” violated the Fourteenth Amendment.65
In a cryptic opinion, the Illinois court ruled that unmarried fathers had no rights to their natural children unless such rights were granted to them by a court in an adoption or guardianship proceeding.66
Stanley had not sought guardianship or custody of his children, preferring to leave them in the care of a married couple whom he had asked to look after Kimberly and Peter Jr. a few months earlier. Pursuing an adoption would have been risky, as Stanley would have been required to meet a much higher standard than mere fitness—he would have had to prove himself a “suitable” parent.67
As a practical matter, then, the court’s ruling meant that he could be denied all access to the children—and indeed, he later petitioned for visitation to no avail.68
this research outlines the pervasive intrusion of religion and law in to the most basic human activity: parenting your own child… it’s disgusting… Lara
By Lara Trace (who is thinking about parents and parenting)
This is my excuse for a post this week. I’m on the road most of the month… read ’em and leave me a nice comment on what great stuff you are reading or dwelling on… merci beaucoup… xoxox
The French have lots of good going on over there…
The journalist grew up on New York’s Upper East Side with her mother, a celebrated poet who partied with Andy Warhol and Saul Bellow. Now she’s lifting the lid on a deeply unhappy childhood (WOW WOW WOW to that Jon Ronson)
It drives people nuts. But when you’ve been on the receiving end of gaslighting, a compulsion for accuracy can be a survival mechanism. Before you read my book, had you heard the term ‘gaslighting’?” I had: gaslighting means, “To manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.”
Leve says that even while writing the book, she wasn’t sure she’d actually publish it. I’m glad she did, because it is riveting and evokes with clarity the emotional turmoil of being subjected to the constant needs of a narcissistic parent. I’m sure it will help other people in similar circumstances. But then there is her mother, who is still alive….
“I’m not panicking you, am I?” I ask. “When you leave the restaurant, are you going to dwell on this part of the interview?”
“I’m a dweller,” she says. (She had therapy to rewire her brain. It is called EMDR… wow!)
“Oh dear,” I say. READ NOW
Even more on gaslighting: How can I make my parents’ stop abusing me? How can I just make the abuse stop?
“How does someone accidentally find their biological mother online?” READ THIS CONFESSION
(I was thinking Stockholm Syndrome when I read about her guilt trip…)
— One Story (@onestorymag) June 14, 2016
— James Winter (@Jp3Winter) July 2, 2016
Yup, it’s that Joyce Carol Oates… who does great tweets!
When is a book not a (mere) book? When it is a memoir / blunderbuss.
— Joyce Carol Oates (@JoyceCarolOates) July 2, 2016
My memoir excerpt is here
NEW BLOG:::: Want to be an eye witness: email me: firstname.lastname@example.org (writers\photogs are invited from across the planet blogosphere to post photos… you can be a contributor or send me a link to your post)
“Although violence can beget violence, it’s hardly the only cause of violence,” says Dr. Vincent Felitti, co-principal investigator of the CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study), groundbreaking epidemiological research that showed a direct link between 10 types of childhood trauma and the adult onset of chronic disease, mental illness, violence and being a victim of violence, among many other consequences.
“Basically there’s lots of other ways,” he says. “Humiliating people. Isolating people. Verbally provoking them. All of those have potential for producing violence in response.”
In addition, violence can provoke nonviolent behavior that can be just as damaging as violence. In other words, childhood trauma does not equal only violence.
Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This unfolds across a lifetime, to the point where those who’ve experienced high levels of trauma are at triple the risk for heart disease and lung cancer. An impassioned plea for pediatric medicine to confront the prevention and treatment of trauma, head-on.
Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris noticed a disturbing trend as she treated children in an underserved neighborhood in San Francisco: that many of the kids who came to see her had experienced childhood trauma. She began studying how childhood exposure to adverse events affects brain development, as well as a person’s health as an adult.
Understanding this powerful correlation, Burke Harris became the founder and CEO of the Center for Youth Wellness, an initiative at the California Pacific Medical Center Bayview Child Health Center that seeks to create a clinical model that recognizes and effectively treats toxic stress in children. Her work pushes the health establishment to reexamine its relationship to social risk factors, and advocates for medical interventions to counteract the damaging impact of stress. Her goal: to change the standard of pediatric practice, across demographics.
“[Nadine Burke Harris] believes that regarding childhood trauma as a medical issue helps her to treat more effectively the symptoms of patients. Moreover, she believes, this approach, when applied to a large population, might help alleviate the broader dysfunction that plagues poor neighborhoods.” — The New Yorker
Palmater, born to a white mother and Mi’kmaq father in Point La Nim, N.B., has extensive television experience, including her own comedy and musical variety show on APTN, called The Candy Show, and a recurring role on Trailer Park Boys.
“…In other words, get the damn Certificate of Citizenship and be done with it!”
please read and share
“If I were to ever have children….,” my foster sister said via Skype last night “I would never mix a birth child with an adopted child.”
“Your daughter will never have to feel the pain we went through because she knows that she has all of your love.” This hit me like a ton of bricks.
It was about a year since I last spoke with the sister I was raised with. She was not adopted by our APs but she was fostered for several years. Adoption in the Dominican Republic is a long and difficult process (yes, even more complicated than Haiti). The reason for this has greatly to do with culture, religion and family preservation.
In order to adopt in the Dominican Republic, it is advised that you be religious, that you be married for a number of years, that you only have heterosexual tendencies and that…
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