NOTE: I am posting this disgusting story because it’s obvious the lengths some people will go to fulfill THEIR NEEDS – and it’s not about the baby or mothers and fathers or the future. It’s about the adopters. It’s about what they want – and that goal is a baby/babies. There is something so psycho about this, it’s hard to fathom it’s still happening in 2015. AND there is ICWA to consider in this case. When there is money involved, buying a baby is child trafficking, not adoption. Laramie (My comment is noted)
Adoption struggles lead local woman to write book
September 10, 2015 |
Some Call it Life, Others Call it Faith, is the title of Crystal Hodges Guffey, of Salem’s new book. One she wrote after a season of trials and testing of her faith. Guffey held a book signing for her newly published book at Salem First Baptist Church on Aug. 29. Her parents are pastors at the church.Members of the local community came out to show their love and support. Some smiled, some laughed and others cried as they showed their support to someone who has been a light to all, and has such a remarkable story to tell. “As a young girl, I always wanted to be an author, I repressed that for a very long time, because I felt like I didn’t have the writing skills or abilities to do that. After going through what I went through, I thought “I can’t be the only one” and after researching books I couldn’t find one that related to what I was going through,” Guffey said.
There were moments when she questioned God’s plan and sought to understand exactly what he was doing. Her book is based on her life and the struggles she faced such as early marriage, misunderstanding, infertility, college, potential adoption and a hysterectomy.
Guffey is a 2002 graduate of Salem and she said as a little girl she always wanted to be an author so this is one of her life dreams coming true. Who better to share this with than her home town of Salem, Ark. “I grew up in Salem as your typical cheerleader and I participated in band. I was more of a cheerleader than anything,” she said.
Guffey and her husband Josh were married when she was 17 years old. The couple was high school sweethearts, they knew they wanted to be together and decided to tie the knot before they headed to college. “We knew we wanted to start our lives together. I’ve always been an old soul and Josh knew that I was the person he wanted to marry. So after talking to our families we started our lives. We experienced college together,” she said.
Shortly after arriving to college was when her medical problems began. While taking a physical education class in 2002 at UCA in Conway, she collapsed on the tennis courts. “I reached to hit a ball and I stretched really far and I felt this pain I have never experienced before and I fell to the ground,” she said. Guffey learned at just 18 years old that she had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. (PTOS) “Every month when women ovulate they have eggs, I would never do that. My body would just create these cysts and they would rupture continuously,” she said.
On top of PTOS, Guffey also found that she had Indymetriousis. “Whenever I heard those words, I knew that it meant it was going to be hard. When the doctor said the chances of ever getting pregnant and staying pregnant were never going to be a part of my life, I felt like a piece of my soul and all of my heart were crushed. I felt like the one thing God put me on this Earth to be, the one thing I truly wanted to be, was a mother. No matter what, that was the one thing I always wanted to be. I felt like it was being taken from me. At 18 years old, in an emergency, at that very moment, I felt like it was taken from me,” she said.
After learning the possibility of having children was low, Guffey and her husband tried with medical assistance for pregnancy for five years. They started treatments to help in the ovulation process. After never-ending doctors’ appointments and failed attempts at pregnancy, in 2007 she decided that she had enough disappointment. “In March 17, 2007 when I found out that I wasn’t pregnant, after going through a tremendous amount of fertility drugs, I just said no more. I can handle no more. I felt like in that moment that God had taken that ability to be a mother away from me because my husband was against adoption. I was angry, I was hurt. I felt left out with everyone else in the light of God. I felt like I was that one person that the light had been snuffed out,” Guffey painfully said.
After this emotional time in her life, Guffey gave up on everything. “I gave up on my marriage, on God, on my family and I gave up on life. If I made it through and I laughed, hey I laughed. That’s how I lived for about two months,” she said. Realizing her marriage and life was in turmoil, when her husband came home one day, stating her needed to talk she feared the worse. What she heard instead was hope. Her husband told her that he wanted to adopt a baby. “It was like the flood gates of Heaven opened up and God said “Your heart is not dead.” I am with you,” she said.
In Dec. 2007, the couple decided to adopt through a Little Rock based agency, called Adoption Advantage. They were assigned a birth mother coordinator who mediated between the birth couple and the couple. Crystal said they had to pay close to $30 thousand dollars up front and that didn’t guarantee that they would be able to adopt a child. This doesn’t include the near $11,000 they spent on birth mother fees. The Guffeys became responsible for helping assist the birth mother with her bills. Anything from, electricity, medical, rent and groceries bills were paid. “You were placed on a waiting list and the length of time you waited depended on what kind of child you will take and you are never guaranteed a child,” she said.
By Feb 2008 the Guffey’s were in connection with the birth mother of their first daughter Brianna. The adoption process was extremely hard. Unknown to the Guffeys, the people who ran Adoption Advantage were corrupt and wanted in multiple states for adoption fraud as well as other kinds of fraud. After going through numerous birth mother coordinators and unanswered phone calls by the agency, she decided to drive to the agency herself and demanded copies of her files.
The child the couple was promised was born in June, 2008. They had since hired another agency and an out of state attorney to assist in this process, due to their suspicions of the agency. This cost them close to four thousand dollars. After hearing the birth mother was in labor for five days and no phone call was returned agency, the family became even more afraid. Finally, the birth father called and said come to the hospital.
Neither the birth mother coordinator or the agency called or returned her calls so she and her husband went to the hospital to see their baby. “We called a secondary agency we had hired and was told they would meet at the hospital. “Finally we get to see her and three hours passed by. We were in the room with her and the door opens and it’s the social worker for the hospital, a nurse and the secondary agency that we hired. They are all three in tears. They said, “I’m sorry the paper work is not correct and you are legally not supposed to be here.” They literally had to rip her out of my arms and we had to leave the hospital,” she said.
As soon as the paper work was completed the birth parents signed the rights over five days later. Soon after they found out she was an eighth Cherokee and because of this the Cherokee Nation wanted to take Brianna from the Guffey’s. “It’s what they call “first dibs” and if there is a child who is born of Cherokee blood, that the parents, grandparents, brothers or sisters are registered, then they can be first to adopt the child into the tribe. We then hired another attorney and we had people fighting from every angle. If the agency would have done their job then this would not have happened,” she said.
After a long fight against the Cherokee Nation, the Guffey’s won, but the win was bittersweet. In order to keep Brianna, she could not claim she is an eighth Cherokee Indian, which will be a loss in any kind of scholarships or medical help she was eligible for. “I have three legal documents signed by the chief of the Cherokee Nation, stating that she was not born of Indian blood. She lost all her rights. If she has children, they can never claim to be Cherokee. If I have to pay for her healthcare and her college to keep her, then I want every right denied,” Guffey said. (WHAT THE ___?)
Later, several other couples contacted her about their concerns. “I ended up helping 27 other couples who had also paid a tremendous amount of money as we did to adopt. They went through the same process we did and we were the only couple that got a child, nor did they get their money back. I told them that we have to fight and I understand that you are deeply saddened that you do not have a child and I do but I want to help you. I will testify, I will do whatever you need to help shut this man down,” she said. Guffey helped these couples shut this agencies down in 2009 and the owner was sentenced to prison and remains there.
Two years later, Guffey later ruptured several cyst and had to have a hysterectomy. Her dreams of having a child herself were shattered. On her birthday that year after yet another heartbreak, Guffey told God that she will never go through the adoption process again. “I was so mad at God again, I was so angry that he took that last bit of hope because he knows I will never adopt again. I said to God, “I asked you for a child, I won’t get greedy now and ask you for another but if you want me to be a mother again, you will literally have to drop a child in my lap.” That’s the only way,” Guffey said.
Guffey laughed and said, “Don’t ever get cute with God.” The very next day her cousin called and said she was coming for a visit. While visiting with her family, her cousin sent everyone out of the room to talk with her alone. “It’s just her and I and she says, what would you like for lunch, and I said I do not care. She say’s how about pork loin? I told someone you would adopt their baby and how about corn on the cob? I said what was that second thing? She said well I kind of told someone yesterday, you would adopt their baby. This was the very next day after I had gotten real cute with God,” she said with a laugh. A month later on Oct. 19 they were blessed with another baby girl named Brooklyn.
Shortly after seeing a counselor to help with the pain related to the issues she was facing in life, Guffey began to write. “Going through not being able to have my own children and the adoption process and early marriage, I basically clouded through the whole session. He told me, I think the best way for you to start processing this is to put it all down on paper. I thought “great, I’ve always wanted to write and here you are telling me to write. I’ve never done this but I’m going to start here and now and I’m going to write.” I just went home that day and began to write. I started with the critical moment in my life when I found out that I had all of the problems in fertility. Where I felt like the root of all my issues began,” she said.
The book, “Some Call it Life, Others Call it Faith,” took about two years to complete. She wrote off and on for six months and after getting Lyme Disease she struggled to write for almost a year. After that she decided to finish the book. Her inspiration drew from her experience and hope to let others know that they are not alone. “Someone else has been in their same shoes. Every situation is different but know they are not alone and mainly know that the one person that will never leave your side, no matter how many times you turn your back, is God. ” she said.
Her next step is to create a support group for those involved in similar situations. She also counsels couples who have had similar experiences. Guffey has found her purpose and her faith is stronger than ever.