Familial estrangement

Once an adoptee, always an adoptee.

Lucy Sheen actor writer filmmaker adoptee

I’ve just finished reading this article:

Why Some Grown Kids Cut Off Their Parents

Could their estrangement be caused by how we raised them?

nottalkingtoyouThe reason that I read it was because it posted to a transracial adoption group. It was noted that whilst this article isn’t about adoptees it is, or might be relevant to adoptees and adoption circumstances.

That’s true for most “conditions,” “syndromes,” or any other medical and emotional state that a human being could suffer from. Whether a person is a biological relative, child or sibling or an adoptive child we can all suffer the same or similar problems.

Lets look at familial estrangement, as it relate to the adult adoptee. As unacceptable as it might be for blood relatives, the reaction, the often violent recriminations and vitriolic disapproval and condemnation that the adult adoptee is subjected to, is something else entirely.
I speak from…

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  1. Tubularsock has found from personal experience that some people have families that are “tight”
    and happy together. Some people don’t.

    It is assumed that having a close family is a good thing …….. that is a value judgement of the society. Sometimes breaking out of the family is the only chance for survival for an individual.

    EVEN if the family is not abusive some individuals need the space to grow. A family and the concentric circles of the extended family can present a claustrophobic environment to some individuals.

    Biological and non-biological make absolutely no difference to this type of individual. They have to seek their own “tribe” sort-of-speak. It all has to do with freedom.

    The formal family is accepted as something to strive for in a society. And that “belief” is well and good if it works for the individual. If it doesn’t work then it’s a curse!

    To a large group of people “family” is a trap and there is where the conflict enters. The guilt that is cast upon “the outsider” can be devastating or a badge of courage depending upon the personal emotional strength of the individual.

    Seldom is it understood …….. the path to enlightenment is individual and is so narrow that it has to be traveled alone.

    Now pardon, Tubularsock if this sounds preachy. It is not intended in that way. It is just MY experience in dealing with “family”.

    Tubularsock hopes that whoever reads this are able to find their own way….. peace be with you.


  2. Lara, i agree with your statement regarding “we all have familial issues” . Being a stepchild, having a stepson and having a stepdad, until i was an adult , the “step” tagline was used as a scapegoat, cop out when the relationship got tough.. Realizing now as you provoked the thought that all relationships regardless of blood can be tough… Peace


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