Lost Daughters: Why Adoptive Parents need to stop blogging about adoptees

TracesBookFINAL.inddBy Lara/Trace

On occasion I write a post on the Lost Daughters blog. In the past week, I had more than one friend send me a blog that was created by an adoptive parent that showed photos and personal details about young adoptees.  So I asked some of the Lost Daughters, who are adult adoptees, to send me links to posts that refer to APs who blog about their adopted children.

Here is the link to my post on Friday:  http://www.thelostdaughters.com/2014/10/why-adoptive-parents-need-to-stop.html

I added a few comments this morning like this:

I am reading these comments Kristi and others. Thank you everyone.
First and foremost, there isn’t a BLOG POLICE. This post is my opinion. In 2010, I was very surprised to hear this discussion from adoption professionals on blogging about adoptees in particular. I had not considered this myself.
Since 2009, I read blogs every day because I blog myself. When I was doing research back in 2004, the adoption industry had, hands down, controlled the adoption industry with books on how to adopt. There were 5,000+ books on adoption on Amazon and the majority were written by and for the adoption industry.
Then blogs and websites kicked off. Again, the majority of blogs were written by APs and adoption professionals. They dominated the discourse until blogs like Lost Daughters and Lost Mothers arrived.
Obviously propaganda is about managing public information, as adoption is a billion dollar industry and looks to recruit more parents to adopt, steering people to believe in the benevolence of adoption, to keep their income stream. I still find blogs about APs who just adopted and are fundraising again. It’s growing – not slowing – as a phenomena.
What deeply concerns me, as an adoptee, is you can find a blog by a blog address and date, years later. If you have adopted a child, these posts can be read by their peers and strangers. What APs do in offering personal details and their opinions, these are available for anyone to read, not just adults.
A blog post is a pulpit, a one-way conversation (until comments). APs may quote their children but that is not the same as consent.
Further expansion of blogs, especially by parents, is a deep concern to me and many others.
Should any child be exposed to public scrutiny?

Then the APs started to unleash on Facebook: (this is one thread)

https://www.facebook.com/AdopteeRestoration/posts/659035624211824  Post by Adoptee Restoration.

I am not hurt that adoptive parents are calling me names — then telling me they have every right to post whatever they want about whomever they want whenever they want. That is their prerogative.  But as an adoptee, as I wrote in the post, I would have blown my lid if I had found personal information about my childhood on a blog.

I would have felt more betrayed and violated than hurt. I would have felt owned.


6 thoughts on “Lost Daughters: Why Adoptive Parents need to stop blogging about adoptees

  1. WOW. I am so grateful to have read this post. I have done one post each about something my two adult children are currently doing. I will never do it again. Just the possibilty of making them feel used like this stops me in my tracks and I am not an AP. I actually never thought of the perspective you bring up, but it clicks and makes perfect sense. Maybe the bottom line is that the parental relationship is uber sensitive and parents need to be oh so cautious about living, writing or talking through their children. Thank you so much for increasing my sensitivity. The bottom line for me as a person and parent? If it even potentially violates a persons sense of privacy, I personally won’t do it anymore. I also don’t generally enjoy reading Mommy blogs. Maybe this is why. I always thought it was just because mother’s can be so subtly competitive with each other through their children. Live, blog and learn! Thank you. ❤


    1. Thank you Cindy for sharing your thoughts. This post and the earlier post on Lost Daughters was written to help people think and consider others before the post is blogged. Privacy for minors is serious business. I may mention my granddaughter on a rare occasion but I would never share her photo or personal details. When she is an adult, she can decide for herself what to blog and share with the world. ❤ to you!


  2. The full exposure some adopters give to adoptees is seriously wrong and abusive. Some of you might remember the ‘Potty Wars’ and the ‘Slant Eyes Fiasco’ when adoptive mothers were adamant that their right to write whatever they wanted trumped the rights of children. Many claim they are not racist or abusive and that adult adoptees are over-sensitive and need to get a life, be prayed for or learn to be grateful. They pretend to pity us for our sad lives and state that their adoptees do not suffer and will not as we have. They know so little of the trauma of adoption and do so little to protect those they have adopted from further trauma. Anything posted is forever available and will undoubtedly be used by someone somewhere to bully, castigate, abuse etc because that sadly is the down side of our social media. Anyone who overlooks this is either naïve, stupid or deliberately abusive.


Let's discuss!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s