Traumatic events don’t go away, they change you. They become part of your soul. They effect in some way every decision made, action taken, thought, feeling and reaction from that point forward. Answers to why the event happened, doesn’t make the pain you felt, or still feel, go away, they are just answers to the questions that were gnawing away at your soul. They can offer a measure of peace so you stop wondering, searching for, the why – but they can’t change you back to the person you were before, and even if you have worked hard to conquer your feelings and fears, they are still there, deep inside. So please don’t assume that adoptees are different from everyone else, and once they find “closure” it’s all over, and they have “moved on” after “working through those feelings”…it doesn’t work that way…” Yes Yes YES!
I’ve been thinking about what closure is for a long time. Can you actually close the door on your past, or event, and walk into your future unscathed? I can’t. Every single event in my life that touched me so deeply that one would seek closure for – has molded, and shaped me, into who I am, today.
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