As I had posted Dear Birthmoms earlier for my friend Lindy, another friend sent me this link: http://www.exiledmothers.com/guestbook/guestbook2.html
And I am sharing this with you now because I do understand the depths of pain mothers suffered in losing their child. I am that child.
From Brenda Weber | url
I am the natural mother of a son who just recently turned 9 years old. I thought I was through the worst, but I realized I am not. I lived in a family of pretenders. I guess I was just doing what i learned. All year I do well in hiding any grief that still haunts me from not being strong enough to fight, but in reading these stories I could not stop the tears. It felt like it all happened yesterday, my sister told me right after I gave birth and was holding my son in amazement, I looked at him and said ‘I would go through that ten times if it meant I could take you home and keep you forever…. ‘
I miss him each and everyday, the two children I’ve had since will never be able to replace the hole in my heart left because some greedy christian ‘non profit’ (untrue) adoption/counselling agency… Oh I’m sorry I meant hypocrites with no hearts, they literally didn’t let me come up for air until I had signed my life away. So in a codeine fogged haze I signed the papers while on my hands and knees with her straddling me telling me ‘If I truly loved him I would do this, to give him everything I could not’ and ‘God wanted me to do this’, reminding me cruelly of my lack of support, her getting angry and just screaming, and afterwards was told they were irrevocable. I had signed my life away. I’m sorry for going on. I should post a story, and I will soon, when my eyes aren’t so puffy, and my hands aren’t shaking in anger so that I can barely type. How can these adoptive parents stand by while all this is happening? The adoptive parents to my son were in the next room. So was my mother. Why didn’t anyone come to help me? I know they had to hear me screaming and crying. My god I feel like I’m dying all over again. – 10 December 2002 – Charlotte,NC, the adoption took place in SC.
So to all the mothers: Happy Mom’s Day and I hope and pray that you are able to find your children and hold them tight.