By Trace A. DeMeyer
I am an adoptee and an author and I read blogs all the time to see what other people are thinking and writing… The topic of adoption and human trafficking is slowly becoming a bigger discussion. And we need that.
This comment (below) and original article happened last year. It’s worth your time to read. There are people today who view adoption as coercive baby-selling and human trafficking. Why? Money. If money is exchanged for babies, it’s human trafficking. (Yes, this idea will be debated.)
Being silenced as an adoptee was something I experienced, partly out of a sense of gratitude for being adopted and not living in an orphanage – and I was not remotely aware of the greater truth about the adoption industry growing up….
We are not aware as children how we were orphaned and abandoned… or how some women were gaslighted into giving up their babies…nor were we told as adoptees we’d need therapy for our emotional damage (primal pain).. or how we’d eventually need to find out the truth about why or how we were adopted out… and if we knew the truth and met natural (birth) relatives, we might live healthier lives…
For many years I was in a fog, denying the damage adoption had caused in my life… it’s time we looked at the injustice of closed adoptions and sealed records, the damage to mother and child, and understand why some of us believe “stranger adoptions” are indeed baby selling and a form of human trafficking…
The following comment was posted in response to this article: Despite Progress, Forced–Adoption Practices Persist Throughout the United States (See this story at: http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/05/15/violations-continue-despite-forced-adoption-victories/#sthash.ORmPbiJB.u7TtKv34.dpuf)
[PAP means potential adoptive parents.]
COMMENT from the blogger at www.demeterslament.blogspot.com
It is very important that the general public (society) understand the truth, so I’m just going to go ahead and cover everything in one post then be on my way. Let me start by saying this is STILL happening TODAY in record numbers. It is not rare. Also, yes, this includes egg “donations” and sperm “donations”. That egg and those sperm will one day be a human being. It’s disgusting to use someone else’s egg/sperm, paying ungodly amounts of money to grow SOMEONE ELSE’S BABY inside you (or your “gestational carrier” – ick). That’s nothing less than human trafficking as is any adoption not done through foster care, especially infant adoption.
No human being on this planet should have ANY of their basic human rights ripped from them. It doesn’t matter if you are a teenager, unmarried or poor. All people deserve every chance to raise their children and all children deserve every chance to grow up in a happy, healthy home with their own flesh and blood. All people need is honesty and a chance. All they need is support and guidance. Ripping babies away from their mothers is not in any way humane or ethical or moral. No one owes some richer married couple their child just because said-couple is infertile. No one deserves to lose their baby just because they are poor.
It was and still is society and a lack of regulation in human rights/human protection (ie: baby napping and baby selling) that causes such atrocities as coerced adoption. This is about the TRUTH finally being told. This is about justice. This is about change to a better world where families stay together and citizens have a chance to prosper happily, thereby creating a happier, healthier, more productive, more humane and civilized world for everyone.
Have you ever had sex? Ever been in love? Ever gotten pregnant? Have you ever had sex with no protection but got “lucky” in not getting pregnant? Have you ever been separated from your parents, your family, your history, your roots? Have you ever had your baby taken from your arms while you cry and beg to keep him/her? While your heart shatters in the despair that you didn’t have the support or help to be the mother you longed to be? (while simultaneously being beaten down with coercion & emotional blackmail for the sole purpose of taking your child)
Have you ever had to go through your whole life not knowing who you are and having those basic human rights (and primal human needs) marginalized and dismissed? Have you ever had to spend 20, 30, 50 years aching for your child, worrying about your child, suffering depression day in and day out for the LOSS of that child?
The majority of mothers who lost (and lose) their infants to adoption were forced in one way or the other (usually many more than one way). This is also true today, which I cannot stress enough. It is the very rare minority that actually want to “give up” their baby to strangers and who have done so with fully informed consent. THAT is illegal and a major human rights violation on so many levels.
The “burden” on the welfare system is simply not a valid argument. Any burden on the system is due to the way the system is designed and the lack of support/resources that can make a lasting difference for families for generations to come and in that, less burden on the system as time goes on. It’s really rather simple. However, I will not detour much into that since the most glaring issue with this argument is the underhanded assertion that poor people (or young or unmarried) are not entitled to raise their own children; as if by being poor one is somehow subhuman or unworthy to parent his/her offspring. This is not a new view, especially in the adoption industry, however repugnant.
There are far too many lies, deceit and secrets in the adoption industry. And it is all surrounded by big business (then and now). The PAPs haven’t dealt with their infertility so they want to live in denial of it. They want to live in rainbow-farting unicorn land where they pretend the adoptee is born to them (breeds need for INFANTS=coercive tactics to make that sale!) If the adoption agency can’t promise them they are 100% legally the parents (including altering the OBC & sealing files from the rightful owners of said files) and the natural family can’t/won’t “interfere” then those PAPs won’t pay upwards of $30,000 (FACT & nothing short of baby-selling on the backs of poor/frightened/ beaten down young mothers) for their pretend offspring.
Please note: Sealing these adoption records does not now and NEVER HAS had anything to do with promising mothers confidentiality of any kind. The idea that natural parents have ever been promised confidentiality is a FALSEHOOD. It’s just another smokescreen to get the ignorant masses into a political frenzy about something they know nothing about though it is high time people start paying attention because you are all perpetuating (and I dare say complicit in) the abuse of power, human rights violations out the wazoo, and a blight on our country as ugly as slavery and (yes I said it) even genocide.
In the event that an adoption absolutely HAS to take place (that is a child in the foster care system who is TRULY an orphan), the child’s name should not be changed, nor should the child’s birth certificate be altered and most certainly no files should be sealed from the child once he/she is an adult.
Government MUST get involved in this – conduct a thorough inquiry and make serious changes to protect its citizens/families. $$$ should be taken out of the equation. No one should be able to run a business where they profit from the sale of human beings! Hello? Is this thing on?
Adoption should be outlawed completely and a kind of guardianship or permanent custody used in the cases that are absolutely 100% unavoidable. There is zero reason for secrecy when all is on the up and up, as they say.
And in closing, 3 other points I’d like to note:
1) no one wants to have a child just to hand it over to someone else. it is devastating. any woman who has given birth knows this. Abortion and adoption have NOTHING to do with each other so let’s nip that one too while I’m at it. *This is NOT about the abortion debate.
2) another issue with all this baby-selling secrecy is the need to know if you are about to marry and procreate with your sibling!
3) Losing your mother is devastating…losing your child is devastating. This is a life-long trauma that is rarely healed, ESPECIALLY when it comes to forced adoptions. How anyone can be blind to this is beyond my comprehension. No legal hoops jumped through or loss of a “potential” adoption comes anywhere near to the damage and trauma caused to mothers and children who are unnecessarily separated. An adopter (PAP) should take that “heartache and disappointment” and multiply it by infinity and will STILL not come close to experiencing the destruction caused by such myopic selfishness.
There’s plenty of information and facts there in the form of links in the sidebar. Better yet, don’t trust me, do some research on your own. We all must educate ourselves before we go judging others and participating in atrocious injustices we’d never want to experience ourselves.
- We are still here (laratracehentz.wordpress.com)
- How human trafficking happens all around us (northcountrypublicradio.org)
- UN says human trafficking found in 118 countries, includes illegal adoptions (laratracehentz.wordpress.com)
- Where is the Line Between Adoption and Child Buying? (dissidentvoice.org)
- Human Trafficking (kbhumantrafficking.wordpress.com)
- A difficult road to her roots (thehindu.com)
- Human trafficking ‘still happening’ in Scotland, according to human rights report (dailyrecord.co.uk)
- Moscow is carefully monitoring the situation concerning observance of rights of Russian adoptees (voicerussia.com)
- The World Notices, Jim Bob. (snarkurchin.wordpress.com)