Gotcha Day

The entrance to Tomorrow Land in Disneyland.
The entrance to Tomorrow Land in Disneyland. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

excerpt from The LIFE OF VON:

I have read that adoption is a one-off event, that it occurs on a single day and is then over, to be celebrated as Gotcha Day! How very much those who write such stuff really want that to be so! In their belief they deny all that goes before and all that goes afterwards for the adoptee. It is totally egocentric, focussed on what the adopter wants to be true and as a belief is able to be pushed onto the adoptee, brainwashing, if you like and made to be true, regardless of what is true. Dangerous stuff!  I have seen adopters recommend that adopters just forget what went before adoption, wipe it out as if it didn’t happen!! Thank you Bobby Binko!

Another damaging aspect of the adopted life, of how others perceive the adopted life and how they want it to be. It makes it more comfortable and it makes it theirs. While we might understand that, parenting and particularly adoptive parenting is not about making the experience all about the adopters, it should surely be, in part, about learning to accomodate the truth, the whole story of the adoptee’s life.

It does not start and never has on Gotcha Day, or any other day determined by anyone except the adoptee on the day of their birth. We adoptees read many horror stories on blogs and forums, things that make our stomachs turn and fill us with dismay. Stories of the insensitivity and blundering joyfulness which overlook the real events and what adoption is about for the adoptee. We read of transnational adoptees being taken to Disneyland on their way ‘home’, the photos showing bewildered, often frightened children, traumatised by their removal, their journey, the strangers and finally the unreality in an already unreal world. How insensitive can you get?

Of course adopters who do this sort of thing, seem to believe it is their right, they do it because they can and they do not respond positively to suggestions. They know best and will continue to do so, until the chickens come home to roost, as they inevitably will at some time in the future.

They tend to be the same adopters who believe it is their story to tell and post the most intimate photos of adoptees, give information about the most private of matters and laugh about adoptee behaviour on blogs which will be available to adoptees and anyone who cares to look forever more. Much of what they do actually constitutes abuse and you wonder how long it will be before we see the first court case in which an adoptee brings an action against adopters. Any young adoptees will have nothing but support from older adoptees, if their plentiful comments are anything to go by.

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